this is an anonymous online diary/lore blog/collection of shrines by someone who can't code for shit.
for everyone's peace of mind and to help you make more informed choices on whether or not to follow: i'm a woman (cis and straight), 33, from the backwaters of europe (and white), ESL. i don't expect i can stay anonymous forever, peaceful as it would be.
i'm an adult and this page is made with me and my fellow adults in mind. there may be nsfw content in some pages. i'd rather give y'all a warning now than have to soul search every time i post, it might happen.
i'm here because i'm tired of the main social media. i want to live slow, intentionally, and algorithm free. last year i resurrected my mp3 player and it still overwhelms me sometimes how little old tech asks of you, how much it's willing to offer you. playing a song on repeat without ever getting a stupid, noisy ad, putting on a cd and listening to it in order, playing a dvd countless times through the weeks, the months and the years without ever having to pay again for the art you just consumed, it's still intense to me. i started curating an offline media collection, saving and archiving music, movies, books, even games through nooks and crannies into a very personal library, getting used to the organic slowness of existing without eyes on me again, digital, imaginary or otherwise.
in 2025 i also started an adult coloring books hobby, having no knowledge of color theory, no artist bone in my body, no skill in any kind of art you make with your hands. it's been enlightening, but more importantly it's been FUN. i'm still battling with myself about whether or not i want to post photos (no scanner anywhere around me) of the pages i still feel good about, or if that's another breadcrumb trail for irl people to find me here. i don't even know if i actually care one way or the other. if you know of any desert themed coloring books or any votive figure themed coloring books please lmk, it would change my life.
my home island is built upon the remnants of an ancient, likely matriarchal society, a place where they used to worship bulls, and i think i still have that in me. my affinity for tiny figures, little mothers carved into bits of our first mom the earth is constantly bleeding into real life. i'm realizing how badly i try to model myself off of these eyeless, earthen pieces of love and memory and humanity that ancient people created. whether an attempt to try and talk to the allmother, understand themselves, connect with their neighbors, it's all sweet to me. it pulls at places inside me that have no name.
my only claims to coolness are my earliest years, my first memory of my mom singing me to sleep with a soft, anti-fascist song about an accordion, of growing up with osamu tezuka's classics and old soviet cartoons that had somehow ended up on a small local tv channel with people's efforts behind them to dub them in my native language before i was old enough to read subtitles. i remember reading cyrillic and getting frustrated at how familiar it looked but how impossible to read it was. i remember the first time i saw the dolphin mural at my uncle's workplace, how visceral it felt, how adult all these students in their 90s academia best looked, with their plastic coffee cups and croissants and their cigarettes in hand, sleepily walking through the early morning. i remember heavy concrete buildings and a bright sky overhead, white puffy clouds. the sky through the concrete still feels like the backdrop of my life. i love the sky, but i love the concrete too. life felt like a viktor tsoi song, i only realized when i first listened to viktor tsoi.
i'm very openly and proudly a leftist. it's something i've gravitated towards by myself my whole life, ever since i could remember, ever since i was a kid, but i never got serious about reading theory, and because of that i'm shy and intimidated when i join my irl friends in leftist circles. it's the only place i can think of where i feel shy. my beliefs were formed on instinct, on what i felt made sense, and i wouldn't know what exactly to call myself (the alignment quiz said anarcho-communist, people i know are torn on which one i am. i guess it doesn't much matter).
i believe in community a whole great lot. more and more i find myself pulled to the vision of the long table, of lifelong relationships and soul feeding conversations with my village. i want my seat at the table and i want to be wanted there. i want to build something together with my loved ones, but i also want to be free and to free others, as much as possible i want when i'm gone to pass on like a gust of air, to exist in my loved ones' memories and then, when everyone who knew me is gone i want to be forgotten, gone from the earth as painlessly and tracelessly as the world's first blade of grass.
as far as other things i like/believe in/do/want to do go: the sims, neopets, playing the harmonica, mushrooms and the great mycellium, chamomile, the sun, the clouds, my oc sasha, writing, learning the bagpipes, yoga, tarot. hi folks :)